Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
