6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
