winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
