Betty ford says i'm here all night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
