yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
