She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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