I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He? As in you personified your dick?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
