You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
