Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
