Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
