I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
