Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
try to milk me bitch
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