I'm sorry my penis didn't work
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize