It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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