My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
