you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
