Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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