I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
