My hand turned me down
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
