no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
