Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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