Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
