Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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