The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize