I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she told me i tasted like america
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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