I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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