I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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