KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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