If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
