do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize