I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
