I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
