Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
