your thong is hanging out like whoa
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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