good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
