I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
