thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
