Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
