So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
