paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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