i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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