im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
