I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
