Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
