Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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