Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
