We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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