Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
