you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
