the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
