Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Still dying that you shit outside
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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