my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
