My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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