I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
