he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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