please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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