Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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