my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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