here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
