Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
