why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
