um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
