I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
