i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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