I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
