there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize