Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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