Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
