All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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