i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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