you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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