Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
