Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
