literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My dick has a subreddit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
