A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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