I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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