Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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