I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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